Category Archives: BNTC Stuff

Coming Back from COVID

BNTC is slowly emerging from its COVID dormancy. As with the majority of our best projects, our recent decision to start training sessions for professional actors has emerged as a response to the mood of the moment. At the request of a few actor friends who are longing for human connection and a chance to get back into practice, I booked a studio space at my favorite downtown rehearsal venue, the FlyLoft. We discussed the idea in December when the Delta variant was everyone’s main concern. We had all been fully vaccinated and figured Meisner practice lent itself easily to social distancing so we decided it was worth the risk. We booked for January hoping that case numbers would have dropped by then and I put the word out to a few other actor friends thinking that a handful of familiar faces would show up each week. Within days of booking the space, we began learning about the arrival of Omicron. Its increased transmissibility and tendency to bypass the vaccine felt ominous. As the date of the first session drew closer, I spoke almost daily to the friends who requested the class. We agonised over wether or not we felt comfortable moving forward. With such a small group, it seemed reasonable. After all, by this time we had started hanging out in each other’s homes again. Surely a group of five or six actors in a large rehearsal space wasn’t much different. We went forward with our session for only one week before the height of the wave made us take a step back. But, after a two week hiatus, I was receiving requests to reconvene. What has struck me about this experience is that, though I do hear from a number of old acting friends each week, I’m introduced to several newcomers each session as well. I hadn’t expected the classes to attract many people. In addition to my expectation that the pandemic would lead to hesitancy in the majority of potential participants, I had also never seen much interest in ongoing actor training sessions for adults here in Tulsa.

The process of trying to get a small group together introduced me to a major shift in the Tulsa acting community. New students consistently fall into two categories. The first group is drama school trained actors who are familiar with Meisner and miss staying in practice since moving back to Tulsa after a stint on one of the coasts. The second group is an assortment of beginning actors with shiny new resumes boasting recent background work with directors like Scorsese. Needless to say, after spending all summer on set with De Niro and DiCaprio, these newcomers are more than interested in seeing where a little training might take them. Both groups seem anxious to fully engage in the practice and I can’t help but think that the separation we’ve all been experiencing makes the work of building human connection even more satisfying.

I’ll be honest, I’m finding myself stunned by the number of people who have reached out to express interest in attending. It’s not a shocking number but, trying to get a class going in the dead of winter has never been a highly advisable marketing strategy. Add on a pandemic and factor in the limited market I’ve found in Tulsa for actor training in the past and it’s it’s easy to see why I’m surprised to find the group growing each week. In addition to the increasing list of participants, I have an equally long list of actors who intend to join in the spring if the U.S. finally enters endemic status (as I am optimistically anticipating that it will). This experience has revealed to me just how much the dynamic has changed in Tulsa. Actors here will always be anxious to try their luck in bigger markets but, the number and the caliber of actors who are sticking around has me excited about how it will feel to truly emerge from this pandemic. I love being in a studio space with people who are serious about their craft. Level of experience matters little compared to the willingness to fully commit to the work. That’s the real difference I’m seeing. People are coming out in the cold, facing the anxiety that this pandemic has created and connecting deeply to the work. I’m hoping this is just the beginning.

Auditions/Interviews for Writers and Actors

“Saturday Morning Serial” Podcast 

Saturday, February 25th at the BNTC North Austin Studio

8701 W. Parmer Ln. #1122

Actors: 10am to 12pm

Writers: 1pm to 3pm 

BNTC is in the early phases of developing a radio serial that will be distributed as a podcast (and potentially expanded into a web series). The concept of the serial is to feature different Austin based talent each week. Each episode will be written by a different writer but will feature the same cast of actors. Every week, the new writer will build on the script that was produced the week before and add their own personal twist to the plot. Each new episode will also feature a different guest musician. Script writing will begin in March and live recordings will begin in April.


Interviews/Auditions Saturday, February 25th from 1pm to 3pm.

Please bring a five-page writing sample (we would be thrilled if you emailed it ahead of time to The interview/audition will consist of group discussions and devising exercises lead by the podcast’s director/script supervisor.


Auditions Saturday, February 25th from 10am to 12pm.

The audition will consist of cold-reading and improvisation exercises. Some actors may be called back for a follow-up audition which will involve interaction with writers from 1pm to 3pm. (If you would like to send your resume ahead of time, please email it to


If you would like to be considered for inclusion in the musician pool please email your contact information to with the words “Radio Serial Musician Pool” in the subject line.

Audience Members

The show  will be recorded live on Friday evenings in April and May. If you would like reserve tickets to attend an in-studio taping or, if you would like to receive the link to download the show, email with the words “Tickets for Radio Serial Taping” or “Link to Podcast” in the subject line.


If you are interested in becoming a Sponsor or donating to support the project, we would be happy to send you more information. Just email with the words “Radio Serial Sponsorship Info.” or “Radio Serial Donation Info.” in the subject line.

Brand New Year, Brand New Plays

"We need to get serious about devising that new play!"..."I don't know, maybe we should put it off some more."

There are a million ways to create brand new theatre but with a world of possibilities available to you, it can be difficult to pick one approach, stick with it and make your ideas a reality. If you want to be a part of developing brand new theatre in 2012, get started on the right foot by participating in one of the Brand New Theatre Co.’s theatre devising workshops this January.

Here’s how the BNTC Brand New Year, Brand New Plays Project works:

  • One playwright will be teamed with two to six actors.
  • Each team will attend a four session workshop.
  • The sessions, which are three hours in length, will take place either over the span of one work week (Mon-Thurs 6:30pm to 9:30pm) or over one intensive weekend (Fri 6:30pm to 9:30pm and Sat 9am to 8pm) during the month of January.
  • Each participant will work directly with BNTC staff to book the session in January that works best for his/her schedule.
  • BNTC’s Artistic Director will guide each team through a series of devising exercises designed to kick start the creative process while giving depth and structure to ideas about Plot, Character, Setting and Conflict.
  • At the end of the four sessions writers will have a framework for a one-act play. They will then have until the end of January to produce a working script.
  • Teams will come back together for one more session between Feb. 1 and Feb. 8 during which they will read the script, have the opportunity to make minor adjustments and come up with a presentation plan (note: most presentations will consist of a simple script reading).
  • On the weekend of Feb 10-12 (specific date TBA) the works-in-progress will be showcased at a BNTC fundraiser. The audience will have the opportunity to donate to BNTC by purchasing as many votes as they would like. They will then vote on the work-in-progress that they feel has the most potential to become a successful completed theatre piece. The winning team will take home a portion of the audience’s donations as their prize.

Important Notes On the BNY, BNP Project:

  • The entry fee for participating in the project is $75/person. (This is half BNTC’s normal workshop fee because the BNY, BNP Project is still in the pilot phase.)
  • Because this is a pilot project, BNTC cannot make any guarantees about the outcome of each workshop. BNTC will support writers in the development of their works-in-progress but participants must be prepared for the possibility that their work may not be presentation ready in February. BNTC will make every attempt to ensure that each group has a presentation to offer but we cannot give refunds to groups that are unable to produce suitable scripts in time for the presentation event. 
How to Sign Up
Fill out the form below. You can sign up with a group or as an individual. BNTC staff will be in contact with you about scheduling your specific workshop dates. We will contact you first by email but we may need to follow-up by phone to ensure that we have scheduled you with a group size and workshop dates that you can commit to. You do not pay until an entire team has been scheduled for the workshop dates you have selected. Remember, the sooner you sign-up, the more likely you are to get the workshop dates that work best for you.

Free Kids Classes – November 19th

Trying something new can be stressful at any age. Before you make the investment of enrolling your children in the acting classes BNTC is offering this winter, why not give them a chance to get the first-class jitters out of the way by bringing them to a free trial session? The sessions are designed to be a fun low-pressure experience that will help you and your child to see if BNTC is a good fit! Parents will have an opportunity to ask questions at the  end of the session and will also be given a 25% tuition discount for the month of January if they decide to enroll.

Sign Up Today! – Spaces are Limited

Welcome to the Theatre for Pre-School and Elementary Students

  • Free Introduction Session for Kids: 11am to 12pm
  • Question and Answer Session for Parents: 12pm to 12:15pm

This class is an opportunity for students aged 4 to 10 to meet the teacher of the classes, Story Telling and Dramatic Play (for 4 to 6 year olds) and Welcome to the Theatre (for 7 to 10 year olds).  Students will meet some of their potential classmates, play some fun and easy theatre games and learn one or two things about what it means to be an actor.

Acting and Improv for Middle and High School Students

  • Free Introduction Session for Kids: 12:30pm to 1:30pm
  • Question and Answer Session for Parents: 1:30pm to 1:45pm

This class will introduce the ideas that will be taught in both Acting and Improv (for 11 to 13 year olds) and Acting, Improv and Shakespeare (for students aged 14+) . There won’t be any Shakespeare yet but there will be acting games and an introduction to improv to help students build confidence and show them how much fun BNTC acting classes will be.

Number of Spaces Still Available:

Welcome to the Theatre – 2

Acting and Improv – 5

Interview with BNTC’s Artistic Director

A basic overview of what the Brand New Theatre Co. is all about and how you can be involved.
Vodpod videos no longer available.

Please Note: The Brand New Theatre Co. is a sponsored project of Fractured Atlas, a non-profit arts service organization. Contributions for the purposes of The Brand New Theatre Co. must be made payable to Fractured Atlas and are tax-deductible to the extent permitted by law.

BNTC Space Share Survey

BNTC is moving to its new location this November (8701 W. Parmer Ln. Suite 1122 Austin, Tx 78729). We will use our studio space in the evenings to train actors and create brand new theatre but we need your help to put the space to good use during the day.

We are hoping to start each day with yoga or pilates classes between the hours of 6am and 9am. We will then make the space available to a small community of self-employed “co-workers” from 9am to 6pm. Obviously, after a long week of early morning exercise and diligent self-employed work, we will all be needing some pampering so we hope to bring in a massage therapist or two on Saturdays between 3pm and 9pm.

We are very excited to be offering these opportunities to the local community but we want to make sure the community is as excited as we are. If you think you would be interested in some of what we have to offer, please fill out the survey below so that we know we’re on the right track.

BNTC Space Share Survey 

Two Months from Today

It’s official! BNTC’s application for a studio space in north Austin has been accepted. Two months from today we could be opening our doors to the public.

Notice I used the word “could” in that last sentence.

Let me give you a rundown of how we got to the position we are in and what needs to come together in order to turn our notice of approval into a signature on a lease:

You may remember from a previous post called, The Search for a Home, that I was considering a studio location on the north side of Austin but I wasn’t sure whether the location was right for what I wanted to do. I needed more time to research the potential in the area but I didn’t have more time because the space I had found was going on the market in a week and it was already proving to be in high demand. Well, in spite of the pressure to make a rush decision, I continued with my research and, the more I looked around, the more obvious it became that I would really be loosing out if I didn’t make a move on the north side location.

I decided I needed to make an application but I was told that I would still have until October 1st before I had to make a decision about whether or not to sign the lease. This would give me time to continue with market research and to look for a renter(s) interested in using the space during the day.

Sub-letting the space is a major aspect of the business plan because theatre people are not known to be early risers. (In fact, after looking at my fund raising campaign, someone recently suggested to me that there are a number of disturbing similarities between actors and vampires…Perhaps I’ll need to look into that before moving forward with my plans…) For the first six months to a year, I’ll probably only be able to use the space for my own work in the afternoons and evenings, so having someone else make use of the space during the day could cover a large portion of the rent. Daytime renters  and donations will hopefully enable me to offer more affordable classes in the evenings.

I felt sure I would have a better idea of whether or not I wanted to make the move by October so I put in my application. As it turns out, I actually have even more time to make my decision than I expected. When my application was accepted, I was given the option of waiting until November to sign the lease and move in.

A big part of me wants to move in today but the part of me that likes to sleep on occasion, knows that an extra month to get everything prepared would considerably diminish the insane amount of work I’ll have to do in the first three months. So, I elected to wait.

I actually feel amazingly good about the decision. Keeping classes running during the winter holidays is a very difficult task but moving in just before the holidays means that I’ll be able to set up open houses, trial classes and pre-enrollment discounts during the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Giving people a chance to “try BNTC on for size” will likely mean much larger enrollment numbers in the new year.

So, that’s how far things have gotten. A space has been selected. The application has been approved. The move-in date has been determined.  I’ve got a few possibilities on the burner for the space share and I’m working hard to get the word out to others. Lots of people are checking out BNTC’s fundraising campaign online and I’m about to set dates for open houses.

On one hand it looks like everything is coming together like clockwork. On the other hand, I’ve had a knot in my stomach since I found out my application for the space was approved because at least two of three important goals have to be reached before I can make the official decision to sign the lease.

1. The Keep Actors in the Dark fundraising campaign has to be successful.

2. I have to sub-let the space during the day.

3. I have to find people who are willing to provide regular monthly support for the first year that BNTC is in business.

I feel optimistic that I am making positive steps in the right direction and I believe that all of these goals can be met in the next two months. However, I’ll probably feel a bit queazy until I see a little more progress in all three areas.

Here’s how far we’ve come towards each goal.

1. Keep Actors in the Dark

We got off to an awesome start but the donation amount hasn’t moved from $551 in over a week. I can’t tell you how much I have appreciated the support and encouragement I have received so far in the form of those first donations, kind words and the number of people who have encouraged others to check out the campaign. Now, however, is the time for me to actually use the words, “please give BNTC some money.”

On my list of awesome things to do every day, asking for money always ranks right at the bottom but, in light of the potential that I’m seeing for BNTC and the absolute necessity of starting off on the right foot financially, I have made it the only thing on my list for today. It is still at the bottom…but since it is the only thing there, I can’t avoid it.

I hope that you will consider making a donation. It doesn’t have to be big. I did the math. If 344.9 people give $10 we will reach our goal. That doesn’t seem hard. The most difficult thing about that will be getting people to go ahead and give $10 instead of waiting to be last so they can get away with only paying $9.

As BNTC grows, the company will have contacts in Austin to draw on for support, but at the beginning, I am really dependent on the people who are watching the evolution of this company and rooting for it’s success. At the moment, most of those people are friends and family. The exciting thing about that is that, you know me, you are connected to my life and you will be there to celebrate each step in the success of this dream. If you have been thinking about donating but just haven’t decided on an amount, please help us make a push forward this weekend by giving five or ten dollars. If you were wanting to give more, check back later and see how things are coming. It will give you a better idea of what the need is. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Just in case you missed all the links to the fundraising site, I’ll put this widget here so you don’t have to search.

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Please Note: The Brand New Theatre Co. is a sponsored project of Fractured Atlas, a non-profit arts service organization. Contributions for the purposes of The Brand New Theatre Co. must be made payable to Fractured Atlas and are tax-deductible to the extent permitted by law.

2. Space Share –  I’ve spoken to several teachers and artists who have expressed an interest in teaching day-time classes. Now that I have an official move-in date and permission to start surveying residents in the area about their interest in the classes that BNTC and the Space Share teachers might like to offer, I hope that some of that interest will turn into commitments. If you are interested in space share, it is not too late to reserve the dates and times you would like. Just fill out the form on the Space Share page in the Calendar section of this website to let us know what your interests are.

3. Regular Monthly Donors – We are hoping to find 20 regular supporters who are willing to donate between $50 and $75 each month to help with our ongoing expenses such as: rent, office management, artists fees, classroom/studio needs and production expenses. Donations will enable us to offer tuition and ticket prices at a much more affordable level so that our work is accessible to a broader spectrum of the Austin population. We have heard from a handful of people who are considering making regular donations but we need quite a few more. If you would like to be one of them, you can set up your monthly donations through Fractured Atlas. (Just click on the link in the top right hand corner that says “automatic monthly contribution.”)

Once again: The Brand New Theatre Co. is a sponsored project of Fractured Atlas, a non-profit arts service organization. Contributions for the purposes of The Brand New Theatre Co. must be made payable to Fractured Atlas and are tax-deductible to the extent permitted by law.

Those are the three goals I’m working towards. Before I sign the lease in November it will be necessary to have seen a reasonable amount of success in all three areas or to have had complete success in at least two. There is no exact formula for the combination of these three factors that must be met in order for the move to go forward. I could give you about fifteen different combinations of numbers in each category that would add up to success….Trust me…I wake up every morning thinking about the various ways this could come together and those thoughts are the last ones clinging to my conscious mind as I drift off each night. The point is, you probably can’t meet all three of these needs but you may be able to help with one or two of them. If you can, I hope you will. It will have a major impact on where I’m writing from two months from today.

Grrr! Banks!

I hate dealing with banks. If you don’t hate dealing with banks I dare you to take the BNTC banking challenge. First, open a regular bank account. This should take one afternoon. Then decide to move to a foreign country and learn that your bank does not offer international monetary transfers. Open another account with a bank that does offer international transfers.  This should take another afternoon.

Okay, that was step one. Step two is a little more involved.

Now that you have your home country bank accounts set up, move to a foreign country. Open another account. Live there for about a year. Move back to the first country but keep your savings in the foreign account so that you can get a visa to work in the foreign country. Three months after leaving the country, once you have received your visa, decide not to move back to the foreign country. Attempt to redeem the money you have saved in the foreign account. Jump through the various hoops the home and foreign banks seem to have invented so that you will never see your money again. Finally get your money transfered to your home country. This will take about three more months.

Do you hate banking yet? Don’t worry, there’s still time to change your mind.

Step three. Move to another state. Try to close out one of your home country accounts and transfer all of your money into a bank in the new state. This will surprisingly take at least one phone call per day (minimum 20 minutes on hold per call) for about two weeks. When all of your money is finally in the new account, set up automatic bill payments. This will shockingly take a week  and will include about fifteen calls to various banks and at least three trips to the local branch. Now that everything is set up. Sit back and relax knowing that everything is under control.

Still don’t hate banking? Well, just wait until step four!

Step four. About a week before all of your bills are due, realize that your online account is now showing up as inactive. Call the bank about a hundred times. Get told different things every time you call. Wait for the people from the hotline to work out the problem (they say it will take a couple of days). Get back online a couple of days later and realize that your account still isn’t active and your bills are due in two days. Go to the branch to find out what’s going on. When you get to the branch, sit there and watch the branch manager make the same calls to the same hotline you were calling and two hours later have him tell you that there was a “glitch in the system.”

Now do you hate banking?!!! Oh wait there’s more!!

This was just your personal bank account. You haven’t even started your business bank account yet. Do it all again! And this time, with gusto!!!

If you can complete the BNTC banking challenge and not hate banks when you are done (in a year and a half!) you are a more heavily sedated person that I. Aren’t you special!

Speaking of money…check out our new fundraising campaign:

Help BNTC move to Austin


The Brand New Theatre Co. is a sponsored project of Fractured Atlas, a non-profit arts service organization. Contributions for the purposes of The Brand New Theatre Co. must be made payable to Fractured Atlas and are tax-deductible to the extent permitted by law.

The Search for a Home

So far, the most interesting challenge about opening an acting studio in a new city has been selecting the right location. I’ve done a lot of space shopping in the Austin area and the decision never gets easier. The dilemma isn’t uncommon or surprising. Though I’ve never undergone this kind of search before, I watch enough HGTV to know that it’s the same simple dilemma everyone faces when searching for the right place: Do I pay more and sacrifice a lot of what I think I want in order to be in a more trendy location? Or, do I choose the right space at the right price even though it isn’t centrally located?

In my case, I’d really like to believe that the famous real estate adage, “Location, Location, Location,” can be interpreted loosely. (Notice I didn’t say, I hope the adage is wrong.) I found a place pretty early in my search that was exactly what I was looking for in terms of square footage and layout and I even got an offer that was considerably lower than the advertised rate. The space itself looked like a great find but I wanted to be closer into the city. I kept looking around, thinking I’d find something similar somewhere else but  the more I looked the more amazed I was that a big empty room could be so hard to come by. I checked out availabilities on  the East side, where all the cool kids go to make art, and I could see why it is becoming such a popular place to create. There is a lot of cool stuff going on there and there is an exciting mix of people from various backgrounds but as soon as a place starts getting cool it also starts getting expensive. That means the spaces in my price range are really small. I’d have to decrease my class sizes and rehearsal requirements just to make them fit into the space and, with so many people in that area making theatre on a larger scale, I just don’t think a cramped little acting studio could compete.

The first location I looked at was pretty far north of Austin  so it would be a long drive for city dwellers but North Austin is a highly populated area. It isn’t a place where people commute to work or play. It’s a place where people make their homes and send their kids to school. I’m sure there are tons of families in the area who would be happy to pick there kids up from school and not have to drive back into the city to take them to acting class. The part I’m less sure about is the location’s ability to attract working theatre artists.

A major aspect of my vision is to create a space where actors, playwrights, and various collaborators  can come together to train, get feedback on their work and exchange creative insights. I believe that in order for a studio to be successful, it has to not only provide great training and be a source of excellent work, it also has to feel like a creative home to a core group of people who see it as a place to turn for inspiration and support. If I have to drag artists out from the East Side to my North Side studio, they may be willing to commute on a short-term basis in order to be involved in an interesting project, but it is doubtful that they will keep coming out for training and feedback when the project is over. If, on the other hand, the quickly growing population of Austin’s North Side is home to a number of talented theatre artists who would love to work in a creative space that doesn’t involve a twenty minute drive into the city, I might have a very good chance of making the North Side BNTC’s new home.

The more I look at my options, the more attached I get to this possibility, but I’m not just going to jump into something that I hope will work out. So, like the responsible business person that I am, I’m in the process of conducting preliminary research to find out if there is a hidden well-spring of theatre artists on the North Side who are searching for a creative home.

Now this is the point where those readers who have had even the most minor experience in real estate are starting to get uncomfortable. Why are they uncomfortable? Because they are remembering what I said earlier about finding the North Side location “pretty early in my search.” A good space doesn’t just sit on the market waiting for people to complete their research. I stumbled upon this location while I was just looking around to get an idea of price ranges in different areas. I didn’t mean to find what I wanted right away!

I was feeling pretty pressured for time when I went out the other day to take another look at the space but I learned while I was there that another space with the same layout would be opening up in October. I went home feeling encouraged that this new information had possibly bought me some time and I emailed the leasing agent to let him know I’d like to be the first to hear when the other space became available. After sending the email, I went to bed feeling relieved from the pressure that had been building with each passing day since the first space had hit the market.

The relief lasted exactly 24 hours. When the leasing agent wrote back, it was to say that they were going to start aggressively marketing both spaces next week. For those of you who have searched for a home or work-space, or know anyone who has, I’m sure this story is a tired repeat of the same old ups and downs that you are all too familiar with yourself. Nonetheless, I’m sure you also remember how important it feels when it’s happening to you.

At this point, there isn’t much I can do. I can’t rush into something unless I know it will work for my business and I can’t make them save the space for me until I’ve finished my research. I’ve got a meeting tomorrow afternoon with a guy who is part of a professional theatre company on the North side. The company started just a few years ago so they have first hand experience with the challenge of finding artists to work with in this area. I’m hoping he will be able to give me some much-needed insight about what lies ahead and I’m also hoping (as I always do) that our companies will find ways to benefit from one another’s work rather than viewing ourselves as competitors.

The list of things I need to get done if I’m going to move into this space is ever increasing and yet the main priority right now is to determine if the North Side is actually the right place for BNTC. With that in mind, it’s time for the “call to action.” The part of the blog where I ask you to help me out. If you know of any individual or organization associated with the arts in North Austin please put them in contact with me. If you are a theatre artist or parent of a child who is interested in acting, please let me know if you think you’d like to part of BNTC. Finally, no matter where you are located, if you are supporting this project even just by keeping up with how things are going, please let me know who you are. Here’s a form to fill out so you don’t even have to go to your email account.

BNTC in North Austin 

Update: Immediately after posting this, I received word that the space I was looking at got leased to someone else. The other space with the same layout is still available but now the pressure is really on. *Sigh!*

The DBA and the Inspirational Penguin

Filing for my DBA at the County Clerk's office.

Happy DBA day! I have just received word that there is now an official public record in existence stating that I, Kara Saunders, am doing business as the Brand New Theatre Co. in Austin, Tx! Considering the fact that it took all of fifteen minutes and $18 to file, my excitement may seem like a bit of an exaggeration but when you are in the early stages of establishing a presence for your business, you need all the reminders you can get that you actually are, in fact, “doing business.” Here is the other evidence I have so far: 1. A letter from a bank saying that I have a business checking account in the city of Austin. 2. A website. 3. Several social networking outlets (Facebook, Twitter and this blog). These are all very good signs, however, there are some pieces of evidence that are glaringly absent at the moment, most notably: 1. A studio. 2. Students. 3. A daily routine that actually involves teaching people and creating theatre.

I’m so close to having these things I can feel the floor of the studio space on the soles of my feet but waking up every morning to another day of not seeing it in reality can be very discouraging. It would be easy for me to look around and say, “It does not appear that I am actually doing business at all. I suppose I should stop trying.” That’s why receiving my DBA is worth celebrating. It is one more tangible expression of the fact that I am actually doing this.

Actually doing something you want to do is a funny process. Consider how many things you think about doing in a day compared to the number of things you actually do. The second an idea (however small) occurs to you, your brain files it into one of two categories. There is Category A: I’m thinking about it but I know I’m not actually going to do it and there’s Category B: Hmmm…I think I really will do that.
Here are some highlights from my personal Category A:

  • Mopping. I hate it and I probably won’t do it.
  • Answering those emails I’ve been putting off. Nope!
  • Doing something about that raccoon that’s been eating the dog food. I don’t know…those things can be mean!

The idea of making BNTC a full-time commitment has been in my Category A for years. What kept it from moving to category B? The same thing that keeps the items on the list above from moving to category B.

  • There are aspects of making the effort that I just don’t enjoy.
  • Another time always seems like a better time.
  • Fear

So, with a list like that, how does anything get moved to category B? In my case, I was faced with some really painful realities that made the transition seem less terrible than the present. I know that’s not exactly the most inspiring statement. Perhaps it would be more impressive to say that the shift was brought on by “passion for my work,” or “determination to overcome obstacles,” or “a perfect love for my art form that has the strength to cast out all fear.” Any one of these phrases would be a great start for a motivational poster. But the truth is, at the point that I made the decision to commit to BNTC, I was identifying a lot more with those “demotivational” posters from Despair Inc.

Some of you may know that I developed some health problems when I lived in London. When I came back to the US, I dug straight into what turned out to be a surprisingly long period of desperately attempting to move forward with my goals (namely: getting my visa and becoming gainfully employed in the UK) but being knocked down at every turn by an illness that began to seem incurable. As the wait for my visa grew from weeks to months, the wait for my health to return grew from months to a period of about a year. Needless to say, this gave me some time to reflect. In the end, my reflections resulted in the following “category shifting” conclusions:

  • I was already suffering quite a lot, so doing things I didn’t enjoy in order to gain access to something I really could enjoy didn’t seem as painful as it would to someone who already had access to lots of short-term enjoyment.
  • The illness I struggled with was unpredictable. Lot’s of days I was fine but, any time I expended too much energy, the effort would come back to me and I’d end up spending several days unable to get out of bed. This made it impossible for me to get a job but not impossible to work for myself. It turned out I was a really sympathetic employer. I didn’t pay well at all but there was no limit on sick days. Suddenly the “another time is a better time” excuse made way for “we’ll it looks like this is the only thing I can do right now.”
  • The fear I had about committing full-time to being self-employed was based on the anxiety that I wouldn’t be able to make a living. That fear (like a fear of wild raccoons) is a legitimate fear. It has to be taken seriously. However, illness (like a tub of dog food) brought that fear right to my doorstep. When I had a full-time job, I could avoid that fear and, by doing so, I could also avoid the joy of overcoming it. Being unable to work made that fear a reality I simply had to deal with and, as it turns out, the only way to deal with fear of going broke is just to keep doing what you can to make money and not be stupid/wasteful with whatever resources you’ve got.

So, that’s what I’m doing. Due to events beyond my control I have been driven to the desperate decision of actually taking a risk and following my dream.  It’s not so much my Aspirations that have brought me to this point as it is my Limitations

Actual Motivational Poster - "If you're not afraid of failure you will seldom have to face it" Really? I'm pretty sure that guy hit a big rock right after this picture was taken.

Demotivational Poster "Until you spread your wings you'll have no idea how far you can walk." - Yep...that pretty much sums up what I'm feeling right now.

Every day I get up and try my best to actually keep doing things. I do not feel that I am soaring on the wings of my dreams but I do feel good about trudging forward the best that I can. I want everything to come together right now and work out perfectly but it doesn’t work that way. It’s a long slow trudge from here to the fulfillment of my goals and the scenery is bleak, with miles to go between little sign-posts of success. That’s why I’ve become so attached to the Demotivational Poster with the penguin trudging along a barren landscape. I too have spread my wings! Now I just have to keep waddling along until I get somewhere.